A Monster
by alyssialui
Summary: Her own mother thought she was a monster. Azula realizes that maybe she was right.


_A/N: So I read ATLA fics, mostly Tokka, Taang and Tuko, and I've been writing a lot of Harry Potter fics, and I wonder why I've never tried writing an ATLA fic. So here's my first attempt. This is an internal monologue of Azula, similar to her breakdown scene._

_Enjoy and review. Check out my other fics if you're also an HP fan._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender._

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I never wanted to be like this. I had hopes and dreams just like any other little girl. I liked to dress up and play with my dolls like any other little girl. But I was blessed with one more thing: power. I showed prowess in firebending at a young age. Able control and manipulate fire to my will, effortlessly bringing life from within my core and out of my palms. My father took notice of my abilities and he smiled in pride.

_"Hey Azula, I bet I can climb higher than you can," my older brother, Zuko shouted while shimmying up the tallest tree in the garden._

_I laughed and chased after him, my four-year-old legs much shorter than his. "Wait up, Zuzu." I look back for a second at my mother, sitting by some benches in the shade. She urges me with a wave of her hand and I start up the tree behind Zuzu._

_We are very high up now. I can see over the wall that divides our private garden from the maze beyond. I can see the quiet stream that babbles on the outskirts of the palace. Sometimes, Mom takes us for picnics when Father is out on business._

_Zuzu laughs above me, "Keep up, slowpoke."_

_I smile up at him and stretch my legs across to the next highest branch but my legs are too short. Before I know it, I'm tumbling down, arms flailing to catch anything to stop myself. Zuzu gasped and I hear Mom's scream as she runs over. I'm scared and I know it will hurt. Without thinking, I draw the fire within me. The flames flow outwards from my palms and the soles of my bare feet and thrust me upwards. The force acting against gravity cushions my fall and I land unsteadily on my feet, stumbling into my mother's waiting arms. I cry into her chest as Zuzu jumps out of the tree and comes to hug me._

_"Azula!" My tears stop as we all look towards my father's face. His tone is harsh but his face doesn't match. It's not angry. It is blank. "Come here!"_

_I feel Mom frown but she pushed me towards Father who pulled along to follow him. I turn back towards Mom and Zuzu but Father forcibly turns me forward and we walk away from them._

That began the hard and intense training. He honed my natural abilities and degraded my brother's. I was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, as he would say. His lessons hardened me, he drilled his ideals into me and his love of power, and he instilled his prejudice of the other nations.

I changed gradually but to me it seemed over night. I woke up one morning and I no longer cared who I hurt, because I was better than them. If they resisted or opposed me, they were easily taken care of. I shunned my mother and her affections that I once strived for. I would hurt Zuko whenever I could, to prove that my older brother was nothing compared to me. I was no longer that scared little girl falling from the tree.

So much had changed since then: My brother was banished, an embarrassment on the family; I took over one the most proficient cities in the Earth Kingdom; I chased a young but powerful boy around the world; and I realized just how alone power made you.

The girl in the mirror is sweaty, her eyes wide. She looks frightened and unsure. She has everything but nothing. She wants to laugh how stupid she is for thinking that power would make her happy. Her eyes harden. She is not happy! She is sad, angry, and searching for that happiness. She is just realizing that she used to have happiness but it is long gone now.

She sees her mother in the mirror, all those times she reached out to her when her lust for power overtook her. She left when Azula needed her the most, to bring her back to the light. Azula screams in frustration and pain, throwing a hairbrush at the mirror and shattering it.

Her own mother thought she was a monster, a destructive little girl who forgot what love was. Azula falls to the floor, clutching her legs to her chest as she screams. Even in this vulnerable state, as the world seems to crumble around her, Azula does not cry but screams back at it like a wild animal finally cornered. Maybe her mother was right, maybe she is a monster.


End file.
